What is a holiday vegetable, you ask? Well, let me tell you friends. Once every year, you may grasp an innocent, virginal vegetable by the stalk and slit it's, uhh, top. Yes. Top. The sin will leak from your body like air from an exploded tire, into the vegetable. You shall then be absolved of all your wrongdoings. Convenient!
We figured if we made veganism arcane, unexplainable, and violent, it may be less available for public scrutiny.
Wint'ry Holiday Vegetable Soup
- 1 1⁄2 carrot, peeled and diced
- 1 Onion, diced
- 1 Celery (stalk), diced
- 1 butternut squash
- 6 cloves Garlic, diced or pressed
- 3 tomatoes, diced (or 1 16 oz can)
- 1⁄4 head of cabbage, chopped
- 4 large pieces of kale, chopped
- 1 large handful green beans, chopped
- 1⁄2 can Tomato Paste (6 oz)
- 1⁄2 can coconut milk (16 oz)
- 1 tsp ground cumin
- 1 tsp herbs d'provence
- 1 dash curry powder
- 1 dash Paprika
- 1 dash seasoned salt
- salt, to taste
- pepper, to taste
- 1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
- 1 can black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained
- 2 Potatoes, peeled and cubed
- 8 cups water
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut the squash in half and scoop the guts out. Place on a pan and drizzle with oil. Bake for 45 minutes. In a large kettle or witch's cauldron, sautee the onion, carrot, celery, and garlic in a high heat cooking oil. Add the spices and stir. Remove the squash from it's skin and chop. Add 6 cups of water and stir. Add the squash, potatoes, tomatoes, tomato paste, and coconut milk. Stir and allow to simmer for 5 minutes. Add in the kale, cabbage, green beans, kidney beans, and black-eyed peas. Add 2 - 4 cups of water to desired consistency. Adjust salt and pepper to taste. Let simmer for 30 minutes.
Serves: a lot!
Prep time: 1 hour